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Did she come from the fairy tales, this magic belief, which still clings on to my being and to my enduring roots and which I shall be careful from now on not to destroy because after all it brought me happiness, a conviction which however has cost me a lot of sentimental disappointments and which has prevented me from enjoying love before an advanced age and led me into dissipating my plentiful energy in the wombs of those women in Dakar who introduced their trade: ”I'm selling my behind”, which, at last, if I had not been careful enough, would certainly have landed me into even more solitary relief still more filthy, masturbation or fantastical aphrodisiacal dreaming?
Which belief?
As far back as I can remember I have always seen the beautiful creatures of the opposite sex, adolescents, young girls or women, as fairies. Yes, “fairies” is the word which is closest to my vision of feminine beauties. In other times without hesitation, I would have called them “divine”. Nowadays, I do not dare believe that beauty is the essence of divine. And yet?

So, since women seemed to me the heralds of the marvellous supernatural, how could, I, a mere human kneaded with mud and cripple with imperfections, have been able to shake off my coating of which I am made, and fly towards the infinite and drink the milk of the immortals...

 

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After reflecting over and over again, I made up my mind to act on the advice of the Bible, for once, although in the eyes of my parish priest I had become a non-believer. I remembered the astonishing words, taken from St Luke's Gospel: “ You must not worry during your life about what you are going to eat, neither for your body about what you are going to wear…Look at the crows: they neither sow nor harvest, they do not have neither a storeroom nor an attic, and God nourishes them… Moreover, look for his kingdom and it will be given to you as well.”…In its literal meaning, this parable incites to sloth; and also leads one to understand that God can clothe us as he does for the birds. Yet I couldn't believe that its author was a fool. Moreover I translated it my way. The part I liked was: “ it will be given to you as well ”, and I understood it as “ If you do all that is necessary to gain immortality, one day or another the immortals will recognize it.” Because for me, the kingdom of God was on earth rather than in some ever more hypothetical heavens. I preferred that formula to the certainly well-balanced but which leaves little space for hope, “ Do what you must, come what may.”...

..The meeting took place in the mountains. Is there a better place for love at first sight? Its echo reverberated for a long time across the rocks. I wonder if the birds and the other perplexed animals which witnessed the event can still remember it? Yes, it seems so to me because the lightning which accompanied the fusion of our two bodies didn't burn us to cinders, all the more so because we were young and gifted with a vigorous heart..

.....INTERSTELLAR CONVERSATION

“ - The masters of this planet are semi-conscious animals most of whom fancy themselves as gods. Among those which escape this failure, most think that they are the only men in the universe: they are incapable of understanding that a species other than theirs can become human.
You can't imagine how far their madness can go: most of the males whose male reproductive organs are operational have, very often, one main concern.
- Enrich their knowledge?
- No, Master, the gods don't need that.
- To enlarge their territory to the near stars, or extend it to the entire universe?
- Not at all! The territory of the neighbours interests them much more.
- To create works of art to nurture their souls?
- Think therefore. They prefer to contemplate their portrait taken in front of the pyramids of Egypt.
- Then what ?
- You will never find out. Master. I am going to tell it to you… There you are: they dream of inserting their sexual appendix in the receptacle of a female and to eject their semen in it. But, hold on well! Their aim is not reproduction, with some exceptions.....

...The harder would be the fall precisely without a parachute, when she would afterwards hurl me down the lower regions of the mortals. Groaning, moaning, handicapped by the multiple bruises, my eyes which the bright light high up had upset, incapable from now on to lead me in the half-light where the human world lived, I begged for death which luckily, was rather too busy elsewhere on our small planet to be interested in me.

Ah! The bitch! … Ah yes, it was about my love. And this is only the beginning. The bitch! I cannot find again the real taste of life with in spite of everything a good zest of bitterness, which by climbing on all fours the steep mountain to find again at the peak my idol moved with pity, condescending, and kiss her feet, like a dog squatting before its master, until she tells me: “George, are you sick? Come on ! Come to my arms !”...

... “ Yes, I have invited you to the wedding and here I am leading you to the cemetery. You will abandon me there because you refuse to think about death, isn't it so? “ It is too sad! You'd say in all ways, we cannot do anything about it ”. So, you will die. As far as we are concerned, my Love and I, after our daughter's death, we did not have the right to die: because there are three of us.

Yes, you have well understood: we two are three persons. Just a little bit of patience still, and you will understand everything. ”...

...There follow some kisses and the first embrace. Then, the breasts take over.

The beautiful breast with generous curves, full and perfect, the beautiful breasts tender and exciting like innocent white doves, the two fawns, all surprised at seeing the hunter, invite him to lay down the arms. Man feels the need to touch, to caress, to envelope in his protective hands the two goblins...

... - We will have that child when we would have accepted your death.

“ - Dad, mum, I love you. ”

Our Estelle seemed exhausted. A frozen shroud fell on her. No! No !... Not already!... It is not fair!... Her eyes were closed. Was she breathing? Neither Jeanne nor I dared to check it. Then her breathing became again perceptible. On that magnificent promise of life still not completely disowned, on that face so dear, so shiny, whose beauty was not yet frozen for eternity, on her white waxen face, a touch of red rushed again to her cheekbones.

“ And if life were to come back?

- Poor mad one! Let us let her rest. ”...

...“ - But it's true that she loved it. Is it true that you liked it? Hey! My slut. Are you going to answer? Good God!...

- Dirty filth ! replied Jeanne who was overtaken suddenly by a wave of anger. You are not a man. You are no longer a beast: no beast would do such things. You are a sack of excrements.

- Fortunately for you that you have done me some good: that renders me patient. Is it not true, perhaps, that you have looked for it, slut? Walking all alone in the zone, you were looking for trouble, hey! But say, Good God! That you loved it ! You were horny, slut, and you were burning to such an extent that it took three like us to satisfy you! Isn't it true, perhaps ?...

...Therefore, when there were not even two members in our family, my family had already two leaders. That was the origin of many scenes the arrival of which we soon learned to recognise, like the peasants feel the arrival of the storm which risks ruining their corn. But the signs of warning were often useless : the war of the leaders went as far as the conclusion...

...But Jeanne is impulsive: she pulls, she aims, and then she reflects. I have often asked her why she uselessly persevered to bring up the past: it is that in spite of everything she wants to avoid the blunders that she has committed by over speeding. Too late!

The impulsivity and the anger, those two presents which Mother Nature has put in her cradle provoking dangerous outbursts in the wars of leaders...

...While proceeding in this alarming manner, Deudeuch took up its momentum to cling to the speed of survival. We had to travel about fifteen kilometres before reaching Kardougou, the village where our school was built. We had just left the city to enter the territory of the peasants, and so, we were not in the countryside.

“ - Here, the peasants do not live in the countryside: they live in “undergrowth”.

- Is that so ?...

 

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...It is over, I say to you. I am free. And do not believe above all that it is a twisted blow.

I accept the divorce.

Whew !... From now on you can always try to make the birds walk at their pace, because for me, it is over. And I do not believe that you can find another fool to disgust. In any case, I ...! On foot, on horseback, by car and even by plane. Thanks for having freed me. ”

For once, she remained voiceless, open mouthed. I had finally my last word. Sinister stupid! I went out, without stumbling, banging the door.

In the shadow of the corridor, the waves of red hair brushed against me. I jumped as if I had received an electric charge but, to my resentment, I was happy to say : “ Hold on ! Estelle, what are you doing there ? ” and I did not listen even to the reply...